


i didn't know i was lonely till i saw your face

by poloniusthegiraffe



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, I don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 03:49:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14662698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poloniusthegiraffe/pseuds/poloniusthegiraffe
Summary: If Teddy and Sophia were still around, and everything was garbage. I'm sorry.





	i didn't know i was lonely till i saw your face

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. This has been sitting on my hard drive since 2015, I decided to clean it up and post it after what happened last Thursday, but I guess I didn't need to scramble after all! So voila, an unmitigated amount of manufactured angst for no goddamn reason. Here's to another 5 years!!

Teddy gave her a ring. It wasn't like a Ring ring, but it felt pretty clear something shinier would follow. That was two nights ago. Now Amy stands on the roof her building looking down onto Brooklyn at night in horror. the ring is lying in the gutter.

The thing is, it isn't too soon or uncalled for. Technically they've been together for over a year, and both families have been introduced and weddings have been attended together. It's just that they've never talked about it. She's pretty sure Teddy doesn't know her middle name.

And. You know. The Big Thing.

He said it first, about three months ago, over a home cooked meal (with candles!). It was perfect. It was everything she'd dreamt about since 1992, ever since she'd first set eyes on Doogie Howser (He had an MD okay! So sue her). She should have wanted to marry him then, that should have the moment she realized she'd finally become a grownup with a grown-up job and a grown-up love of her life, someone who smiles at her and watches tv with her and rubs her feet after she chases criminals up and down Brooklyn fire escapes.

The problem is this feeling in her chest she can't shake. This tightness just above her stomach, and it feels like nothing she's ever felt before, and it definitely doesn't feel like love. Radio silence is definitely not the most mature way to handle a ring on a string, but every time she picks up the phone she feels like sick is going to somehow pour out of her eyes, which is needless to say hindering communications. And so, much like Rose ditched her necklace into the sea, she hurled the cursed thing over the scaffolding on the front of her building with her eyes clenched tightly shut.

* * *

He's resorted to drinking alone. Can you believe that? he knows its the lowest of the low, but honestly, the Nets have been killing it this season, and he can't watch at home because the woman downstairs loves blasting Jane Fonda workout videos from 7:30 on the dot till 11. Every night.

This is the only reason he's at the bar. Nothing else is bothering him. Really, he's absolutely fine.

Sophia hasn't been over in more than a week and aside from canceling plans, has been unreachable. It's fine, though, time to reflect on his job and the Nets is just what he needs. He just wishes his apartment wasn't so soberingly empty.

* * *

The first person she texts is Rosa. She's finally sat down on the edge of the roof, in an oversized NYPD novelty tee shirt, nursing a flask.

_Sorry to bother you. Are you doing anything right now?_

She's still far too present to use incomplete sentences.

_go to sleep_ Is all she gets back. Solid advice, she thinks. still, there's the matter of the ring, and sleep will never come without it back in her possession. She can't be bothered to walk all the way down and scrabble in the street like a raccoon in the middle of the night.

_Peralta, are you doing anything of importance?_

(by now she's sufficiently buzzed)

**fr godsks dantiago**

**its almost 4 in the mrng**

**...I'm comingover**

She feels a little anxiety melt away. She just wants to laugh at the sunset and sing Taylor Swift into the weekend. I'm on the roof. you know how to get up here. The ring mysteriously slips her mind as she smiles to herself about letters of recommendation and undercover identities.

* * *

He’d forgotten how close her apartment was to Shaw's. He finds himself standing at the foot of the run up without any idea why he came.

The grey door to the roof leaks moonlight onto the landing. He pauses for a breath, not seeming to find any, before flinging it open. "Hey" He’s trying for nonchalant, suddenly feeling twenty times drunker than he did five minutes ago.

"Hey" she seems no better off than him, voice far too quiet.

"So what's the story, morning glory?" She turns her head, so she's peeking over the hood of her jacket.

"You look terrible" He really does, his hair is too long and spread out like it is when they pull an all-nighter, except, she's sure he doesn't even have an unsolved case on his desk.

"I know"

"Did you know that George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein had their shoes hand-made by the same Italian cobbler?", raising her voice at least 2000 decibels louder than it should be.

"I did not know that."

"It's the truth."

"Why are you screaming about Saddam Hussein at 5 in the morning on a Saturday." Amy takes a long swig from her flask.

"Teddy gave me a ring"

"Uh... "

"Not like that! Just a regular one. I even put it on a necklace."

"You're yelling again. So why the misery?" He's leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. His face is some inscrutable blur without her glasses, but she really wants him to be smiling. She misses his smile.

"Sorry. I also threw it off the roof about 4 hours ago."

"Oh." Jake wants to say something about the implications of such an act, but thinks better of it. He turns on one heel and walks towards the door.

"Wait, you can't just leave!"

"I'm going down to the street to look, butthead."

"Oh" Amy makes to get up, but somehow in the process manages to knock the flask down to the street, too. "Fuck. well, I guess I have to go down now too."

* * *

**2011**

She feels it in her stomach before it kicks in, and she's already frozen in the hallway.

She can feel every place the vest and paintball gun are touching her. It's like looking into a tunnel at the end of which, is the barrel of the pistol that was pointed at her in the prostitution bust last December.

Her arms are locked, she can hear her heart racing. Her chest constricts, and her breathing speeds up. She’s seeing dark spots.

She doesn't register what's happening until she feels his warm hands on hers, guiding her to put the gun down. "Breathe like your using a straw. In and out, Santiago," he says, voice level but half his usual volume. He breathes the same way, slow and noisily.

She leans her head on his tac vest. "You're good, you're okay. Nothing happened. We're the ones raining hell on the bad guys, remember?"

Her breath is coming more regular now. She isn't so much scared as comatose, the only things that seem real are her gun and his voice. He's leaned her against the wall now, to look into her eyes. He's smiling, but his eyes are soft and serious as if she's a scared kid on the job.

"Okay, okay, I'm good. I'm fine."

"You're good? Well, you know in that case... There's only one thing that needs doing!"

She's barely keeping her eyes from rolling. She pats his shoulder a little self-consciously, before bringing her gun back up to textbook ready position.

"Besides, you know nobody's gonna avenge your dead stepbrother for us. It's up to us, the renegade-cop-duo, Ms. Smith, and Darryl Bruckheimer. Time to fold this bitch like a pizza!" She doesn't have to look over to know he's doing his Bruckheimer Walk. (Halfway between runway model and action hero.) He slides his hand down her back before falling into step behind her.

* * *

Amy mopes her way down the stairs, arms braced against both walls of the stairwell. She can hear Jake's rapid footfalls clicking out into the street. She can picture him start to scan the area for the offending piece of metal as if it were a piece of evidence. She knows how he gingerly turns over garbage bags and sticky bits of junk with the edge of his pinky. She knows how he crinkles the top of his nose unconsciously when he's trying to see in the dark, and how he'll try to shove his badge into his shirt to stop it hanging down in front of his eyes when he's bent over, even though he's off the clock, and he isn't wearing it.

Suddenly she's hit with vertigo. Ironically, she feels herself start to lose her balance as she nears the ground floor. Her head starts to spin. She slides herself against the wall in the foyer down to the floor. Her head falls onto her knees. She tries to imagine where Teddy might be at this moment but comes up completely and totally blank.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I don't know if I have it in me to continue, but we'll see. Comment ferociously!


End file.
